Kevin H: The Abedini Tragedy
The Abedini turmoil has dominated a substantial part of the conversation here over the past couple months and especially the last couple weeks.
Let me state right off the bat that I really wish it could all go away.
I wish this topic wouldn’t be a spectacle here, among other places. I wish I wouldn’t be writing about this. I wish Saeed and Naghmeh could address their issues in private and completely out of the public eye. For their own sake, and for the sake of all of us who get drawn into the soap opera, and for their family members and friends, and most especially their children.
The problem is, I believe this story needs to stay public for two reasons.
I’ve expressed this before in comments on this blog and other places, but not in an official article.
First, we all know by now that we were given a false narrative during the large majority of our advocacy for Saeed’s release from Iranian prison. Driven by Naghmeh’s writings and communications, we were regularly told of the pains of Naghmeh and Saeed and their children in their inability to communicate with Saeed. Our hearts were wrenched when we were repeatedly told of the separation of husband and wife in their great love story and the children growing up without ever being able to see or talk to their daddy. We now know by everybody’s admittance of a regularly used cell phone that this part of the story was a sham.
Now, it is understandable that the presence of a cell phone was not publicly made known out of concerns for Saeed’s safety. Although it would seem quite plausible that Iranian leaders were already fully aware of the phone and the conversations taking place on it, there would still be some consideration for keeping quiet about it. It is certainly understandable that Naghmeh would do whatever she thought she had to to get her husband and the father of her children safely home. It does not make it right, but there surely is a serious measure of empathy in such a situation. If I ever were to be in a similar situation, I cannot say for sure what I would do.
Where the rubber hits the road on this false narrative is the role of the American Center of Law and Justice (ACLJ). The ACLJ was a main driver in bringing awareness to Saeed’s case and raising funds around it. The ACLJ is to be commended for taking on Saeed’s advocation. The dilemma that comes into play is with the false narrative. The truth of who was the main culprit behind creating, directing, and/or demanding the false narrative, we may never know. At the very least, what we do know is that the public was given the narrative by way of Naghmeh’s writings and communications, some of which were used and highlighted by the ACLJ. For example, see here and here.
Now, I am far from a legal expert so I do not know what all the potential legal and ethical ramifications are or are not in a case like this. But when a big Christian organization knowingly uses false information to help further a cause and raise funding around it, then I have a problem. Even more so if they were the main driver behind the false information. And I think the public should have a problem, too. Especially for those who were led to give to the ACLJ based on the pleas given about Saeed. There needs to be some accountability. How or in what manner, I’m not sure. But I don’t think it is something that we should just act like never happened. The same would apply to any other organization that may have raised funds when knowingly pushing a false narrative.
The second reason I believe the Abedini case unfortunately needs to remain public revolves around the allegations of abuse. I do not want to turn this into a big fight as to who is telling the truth between Naghmeh and Saeed. I have already stated in the comments of this blog that my own personal inclination is to believe Naghmeh. This is my own opinion and I write this at my own volition.
This does not mean I know a lot with certainty or that I believe Naghmeh to be definitively 100% accurate and truthful on all her charges and details. The only thing I know with certainty, because it is officially documented, is that Saeed plead guilty to domestic assault of Naghmeh in an incident that occurred almost nine years ago. Yes, the details of the assault describe a situation not as bad as some assaults can be. But what is described is still completely wrong and Saeed did plead guilty to such. No amount of abuse of any kind is acceptable.
The reason I believe the current charges need to remain public is because of Saeed’s stated desires to write a book and go around the country speaking in churches. I have very little doubt if Naghmeh hadn’t already spoken up that Saeed would already be hot on the church speaking trail all over the nation. He had the makings of the perfect Christian hero and celebrity. He had the right connections in place to make it all happen.
But at the very least, we now know there are serious issues in his marriage and so we know that is where his focus should be. Knowing this much, churches and other Christian organizations should be given to much pause before lining up to have Saeed speak. If Naghmeh had not spoken up, the scenario would be very conceivable where Saeed would have gone full bore on the speaking circuit without ever acknowledging any serious issues in his marriage.
If the allegations of abuse are true, then churches and other Christian organizations should have nothing to do with giving Saeed the pulpit or a platform to speak. Christians would need to really question if they should buy any potential books Saeed would write. The Church would need to know these things so that they would not be giving a position of influence to such a man. Again, if Naghmeh had not spoken up, then the exact opposite would be happening in regards to his speaking and book writing opportunities.
Now, if Naghmeh is lying about these charges, then a great shame on her. If she is making up all these things and destroying this man’s life for whatever sinister reasons, then that is just horrible. She would need to be held to account and should be held liable for his loss of livelihood.
We all know there have been instances of false accusations where innocent men (and women) have been taken down by malevolent reasons and circumstances. We also know there have been plenty of times where abusive men have kept their victims quiet (or unbelieved) and go on to maintain their respected status in society. And far more times than we would like to know where these abusive situations happen in the Church and Christian leadership.
Many times abuse occurs behind closed doors and we never know about it. The fire is hidden and the smoke rarely escapes to be seen. It takes a lot of courage for the abused to speak up. In this case, Naghmeh has drawn our attention to a lot of smoke. Not always, but often times when there is smoke, there is fire. At the very least, we now know there is something acutely wrong. We should proceed with much caution before propping up Saeed as a leader and authoritative figure.
If Naghmeh is speaking the truth about abuse, then it is good and necessary that she has spoken. In most abuse situations, it would be unnecessary to tell the world, nor would the world much care because it would not know who the involved people are. The Abedinis are a different case than most.
I really wish this could all go away from the public arena. I really do.
But for the given reasons of the ACLJ’s complicity in the false narrative and Saeed’s spoken desires to obtain a platform of influence in the Church, it can’t. I wish it weren’t so.
my first thought as i read this post is that it is the ACLJ that has an obligation to give a public accounting, rather than the Abedinis… as to the abuse – what we need to know is that it is being addressed by competent counsel, that’s all we need to know
when the dust has settled, perhaps there’ll be a story to tell – dunno
Thank you Kevin H….. very well thought out and written.
(I am wondering if you intended the use of the word “abuser” in this sentence “It takes a lot of courage for the abuser to speak up. In this case, Naghmeh has drawn our attention to a lot of smoke.” Did you mean “abused”?)
The whole Abendini mess is peculiar. I feel that I was misled and lied to. The ACLJ radio programs sound like infomercial advertising.
While I never contributed money to the cause, I did contribute a good deal of angst and prayer…. My prayers continue.
Paige,
Thank you…I’ll fix that now.
Thanks, Paige.
Yes, you’re right, that is a typo. Was supposed to say “abused”, not “abuser”.
Michael, if you see this, can you make that correction. Thanks.
You beat me to it before I even asked.
I should have caught it last night…my apologies.
Paige,
I’ve never given money to the ACLJ either. Although I certainly followed a lot of their information about Saeed.
And I think you’re dead on about their radio programs. I’ve never sat and listened to a whole one, but they always came across very strange sounding to me. The infomercial likening I think is quite apt.
No need to apologize, Michael. I was the one who screwed it up in the first place. One letter sure can make a difference sometimes.
When all this has run it’s course will anyone other than me continue to ask why it could EVER be considered noble and praiseworthy that a man should leave his wife and children to fend for themselves and to go to a place far away, disobey a government’s clear warning to stop proselytizing and place himself in clear and present harm to be arrested or worse?
Is this just too sacred of “an Ideal”, too “sacrificial”, too “oh brother so-and-so is so willing to suffer for Christ” that it continues to be ignored and not discussed or addressed?
No “Christian” vocational call should ever require a person to neglect their spouse or their children.
Someone step up and address this absurd evil within the Christian culture!
G, I think there are many with you asking those same questions.
G,
I think that is a very valuable point to be discussed in this mess…
I think we hit on those points pretty strongly a week or two ago.
G has spotted the question that is worth addressing in depth, spinning off of this issue IMHO
there’s a whole lot of adventuring that masks itself as sacrifice for Jesus…
but then there’s a whole lot of adventuring that gets rationalized as noble all over the place – i know of mountain climbers who leave wife and children to fend for themselves for the noble cause of the top of a mountain … if your cause isn’t strong enough to hold off establishing a home and family, then maybe you shouldn’t serve – whatever the cause, eh?
interesting to think on…
Sorry, I missed the discussion, it’s a workflow thing.
Please summarize, is the notion soundly repudiated?
I will agree with you, G.
In my world, mission projects are usually the work of celibate monastics who do not have ties to a wife and children. That’s scriptural, by the way.
Mountain climbers and trekkers are not shaking down the Christian community in the name of being “persecuted for Christ”.
Any guy or gal who forces their spouse into the dilemma facing the couple in “A Walk In The Woods” puts their spouse into a conundrum.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1178665/
What I’m talking about is Saeed’s blatant disregard of the gift of a release and warning from Iranian authorities.
The man is willful.
The man disrespects his wife who is his equal.
Thanks Xenia.
Agreed, Jesus makes it clear that there are those who forego a spouse & children for the “eunich” life.
Those of us who do not owe it to our children, spouses, and our Christian communities to be examples of men and women who love and respect their families, no matter how passionate and idealistic we are.
I think so, G. I thought we discussed it, but looking back, I may be wrong. Can’t find it.
Anywho, yes. I man is responsible to and for his family. I won’t say what God will or will not call a man to do, but for my part, I wouldn’t change jobs, churches, or anything unless all members of my family were totally on board and ready to go with me.
I can say, based on what I read in the Bible, The Father, Son and Holy Spirit will NEVER call a person to abandon their spouse & children.
Ever
We send families out on the mission field. We have 2 families in our church that return within the past 3 yrs after 10 plus in Africa. One family has 6 kids.
“I can say, based on what I read in the Bible, The Father, Son and Holy Spirit will NEVER call a person to abandon their spouse & children.”
Agreed. Maybe that is the discussion that I am thinking of. That Saaeed needs to be home now, working things out.
Kevin H. You state in your article,..”I really wish this could all go away from the public arena”….It can, if you would STOP WRITING ABOUT IT!!!!!! You’re the one constantly dragging it through the mud! We all have our own thoughts and opinions about this sad situation. I am tired of reading your pious attempts at notoriety! LET IT GO!
Let’s say Kevin let it go.
Would that stop the two main subjects to stop posting it on social media every other day or two?
It would if everyone finally stopped commenting on their posts! There would be no fuel for the fire!
Heather,
I know few people less concerned about notoriety than Kevin.
Disagreeing with articles is one thing…making it a personal matter, quite another.
If the stories offend you, your device came equipped with a mouse, touchscreen, or touch pad.
Click…and whoosh, you don’t have to see it anymore.
Heather,
I do wish that this could all go away, but as I make plain in my article, I believe there are reasons that it shouldn’t and can’t. Reasons that I believe shouldn’t be ignored for the sake of justice and righteousness.
And I’m not sure how I’m the one “constantly dragging it through the mud”. This is the first time I’ve written an article on this situation. Yes, I have commented about the situation here and another place or two on the internet when the subject was already brought to attention by others. I fail to see how I am somehow the chief “muckraker”.
And lastly, thank you for judging my heart and seeing through my writings as vain attempts at notoriety. If you knew me just a little bit, you would know that I am one of the last people on earth who seeks notoriety. Yes, I have plenty of faults, but egocentric attention-seeking is not one of them.
“It would if everyone finally stopped commenting on their posts! There would be no fuel for the fire!”
But why blame the people who are watching and trying to make sense, rather than the ones who are constantly airing their laundry?
Well said, Kevin.
#16- point well taken… the focus here IS on what makes for an honest Christian walk…
but i thought it fair to point out that the rationalizing of adventuring as noble while doing so at others expense is not confined to Christians
sometimes those who love and want to serve the Lord are conflicted, but Paul in the 7th chapter of First C*rinthians does a pretty good job of expressing the mind of Christ where serving God and taking care of family is concerned IMHO
FWIW i have a very dear cousin who was heavily involved with YWAM for a number of years, finally our uncle told him to quit panhandling and get a real job 🙂
Kevin,
Yes, I have seen your comments, and those of others, on the internet from time to time, and I share your concerns. However, it was not my intention to “judge” you. I believe that if we all take our hands off this situation, God will be the one to take care of the “justice and righteousness” that you mention.
even tho i am probably one of the ones who feel that it is difficult to not step into the description of being a busy body in other men’s matters when the Abedinis are discussed, i completely agree with Michael @ #25
Kevin H comes across here as very much one of the good guys and, if memory serves me, he contributes here as a favor to Michael?
Heather – tell that to the Abedinis. They desperately want us all involved.
Heather,
God will take care of the situation one way or another. Many times when there is injustice or unrighteousness taking place, he will use humans to step up and say something and do something about it. And so rather than have all humans take their “hands off”, he compels some to put their “hands on” and works through them to accomplish his ends.
Em,
I come across as one of the good guys? I must put on a pretty good act. 🙂
And it’s not necessarily as a favor to Michael that I write here. But it is because of his prompting.
Kevin has been a huge blessing to me and I believe to the readers.
My hope is that he will keep writing and we get to keep posting what he writes.
Kevin, maybe my definition of a good guy isn’t stock 🙂
It’s official Kevin H is a blogger. He has been told to mind his own business and had his motives questioned.
Jlo,
You’re right…he’s official now. 🙂
He’s sitting in his underwear in his parents basement!
C’mon, Josh. I sometimes am wearing my pajamas, too. That’s if they haven’t gotten too stained up from the Cheetos that I’ve been eating for 3 days straight.
You are on a bean bag chair, right now!